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17 September 2012

Not easy

It's just not easy being a mum. First, I am totally deprived of sleep, I'm zombified. Sometimes I can hardly keep my eyes open, even when I'm walking to the toilet, and I'm always forcing myself to stay awake. I'm like a walking zombie... But a walking zombie with so much love. Next, my nipples hurt like hell from all the latching... Baby suckles so hard it feels like she's actually chewing on my nipples like they're gum. Even hurt to touch them when bathing.

Then I keep getting all emo. Just now I was having her latched and as usual telling her how much I love her. And then I was so overwhelmed by my emotions. I haven't exactly had a tough life but I've been through some serious shit myself and while in tears and sniffing away, I was telling baby that I want her to be happy and blessed... Thinking to myself that I won't want her to go through the same kinda shit I've been through. Thinking how painful it will be to see my daughter being hurt or depressed. And wondering how my mum felt seeing me like that.

Such an emo wreck I am right now. I thought I'm outta my emo self but yup, being a mother is just SO NOT EASY!!

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